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Sunday, 14 February 2016

I Need a 'Bae' Syndrome (Part 1)

 ‘I Need A ‘Bae’ Syndrome

As the world will be celebrating forms of carnal love and romance , some of us sadly will become suffers of ‘I need a bae’ syndrome (for those who are older bae is a colloquial term referring to a boyfriend or girlfriend or husband or wife).  I thought it would be more than befitting to write a post, which challenges such condition.  

Not everyone is called to marriage. I can sense that some will begin to say that they rebuke the latter, but I must be frank and say that some are not trying to fit into God’s plan but rather are attempting to fit God into their plans. The Christian path involves dying to self, allowing God to direct and govern our lives fully. “Our desires and trust must be lost in His will”(EGW, 1905p.231). One of my peers stated “…women want marriage, the answer is in the Father’s hand…” to further elaborate our apparent wants are not necessarily needs  But my God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus (Philippians 4:19 KJV). The difference between a want and a need is that the former is not imperative and the latter is a necessity. God says He will supply our needs according to His riches. Many a times we are trying to make wants needs and vice versa, in doing so we are not fully dying to self.

The Lord does state he will grant the desires of our heart (Psalm 37:4) but how many of us have persuaded ourselves to desire that which God has never approved? Why do you want a ‘bae’? Is t to gratify self or to give glory to the Lord? We must remember all that we do must give God glory for our entire being was made for his glory.  Even every one that is called by my name: for I have created him for my glory, I have formed him; yea, I have made him” (Isaiah 43:7, KJV). Ellen G White puts it rather plainly “ A sincere Christian will make no plans God cannot approve  (1905, p.359).  

I want to expound of the why surrounding the topic of a want for life partner. Are we basing our desire for the latter on impulse or has one thought about it rationally? “The young should be controlled by firm principle, that they may rightly improve the powers, which God has given them… They must be taught to think and act from conscientious principle (EGW, CE 34.1). There is a great danger in doing things haphazardly within the relationship context.  I wish I could make the youth see and feel their danger, especially the danger of making unhappy marriages. Marriage is something that will influence and affect your life both in this world and in the world to come. A sincere Christian will not advance his plans in this direction without the knowledge that God approves his course” (EGW, 1952. p, 43.) Men and women should not base their want for a husband or wife on mere impulse but rather should ensure the former has been thoroughly thought out, as it influence’s ones salvation. 

When I begin to ponder of the topic of finding bae, I cannot but help to liken such yearning to the concept of “ojukokoro” also known as covetousness. Are you craving for a ‘bae’ based on covetousness? In a world that is littered with images, songs and slogans that promote greed it is almost inevitable that the beholder of such imagery would not be succumbed.  Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's house, thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's wife, nor his manservant, nor his maidservant, nor his ox, nor his ass, nor any thing that is thy neighbour's (Exodus 20:17,KJV).” Covetousness breeches the law of God if your desire to find ‘bae’ is based on this you will need to revise your motive.   

There is a common yet problematic belief that one must find another to be complete. If we look to our first parents, Adam and Eve both were complete individually, even after they consummated their union (1 + 1= 1 God’s way). The world tells us that in order to be complete one must be wed. This is probably why marriage is often regarded as the happiest day of a person’s lives and in many cultures singletons are frowned upon. However I am yet to come across scripture whereby it states all must aspire to marriage.   I say therefore to the unmarried and widows, it is good for them if they abide even as I. But if they cannot contain, let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn. (1 Corinthians 7:8-KJV). If we are to dissect this verse it show that apostle Paul seems to be promoting a life of singleton and suggests that those who can not resist the urge to commit fornication are better off be married. It does not connote a need to be married.  
There are many questions and considerations that need to be asked when thinking of marriage. Thus far it has been outlined that marriage should not be entered into based on impulse and needs to give God glory. A common scripture also referenced during the marriage discourse states, “Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?” (2 Corinthians 6:14 KJV). If an individual does not agree with the basic true biblical principles, then you must leave that brother/sister in the outer court whilst you tread softly into the holy place then eventual most holy place (see Exodus 25 and Leviticus 16 KJV). Great care should be taken by Christian youth in the formation of friendships and in the choice of companions. Take heed, lest what you now think to be pure gold turns out to be base metal. Worldly associations tend to place obstructions in the way of your service to God, and many souls are ruined” (EGW, p44.3, 1953).
The Christian title is not going to cut it! The counsel given in 2 Corinthians 6:14 is often applied with reference to a non believers and a believers, but did you know there are ‘believers’ who profess to believe but their lives are contradictory to the standard of the Lord?  Having a form of godliness, but denying the power thereof: from such turn away” (2 Timothy 3:5 KJV).  But how does one know if their potential partner is a sheep in wolves clothing (Matthew 7:15)?  
Prayer: “:If men and women are in the habit of praying twice a day before they contemplate marriage, they should pray four times a day when such a step is anticipated.” (EGW 1930, p77). Prayer is a must for those who are entering a courtship; God will reveal to us our character and that of our potential spouse. Prayer is a way of receiving divine guidance and should not be taken lightly. And whatsoever ye shall ask in my name, that will I do, that the Father may be glorified in the Son. If ye shall ask any thing in my name, I will do it. Let us ensure we are asking that which is in accordance with the Lord and remember that before we utter a word God will hear” (John 14: 13-14 KJV).
Studying the Bible and Books of inspiration: “The Word is a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path” (Psalms 119:105 KJV), “ …Believe in the Lord your God, so shall ye be established; believe his prophets and, so shall ye prosper (2 Chronicles 20:20 KJV).  Why is it that we are so quick to seek counsel from the hand of flesh than the divine?  ‘‘It is better to trust in the LORD than to put confidence in man. (Psalm 118:8 KJV)” The Word of God is profitable and is not just for reproof (2 Timothy 3:16 KJV) but is filled with great counsel! Seventh day Adventist have been blessed with writings of Ellen G White that also gives Godly instruction on every aspect of human life,  “believe his prophets and, so shall ye prosper”.  To the law and to the testimony: if they speak not according to this word, it is because there is no light in them.” (Isaiah 8:20 KJV), this verse should not only be used to decipher a false prophet but when selecting a spouse. If the potential life partner’s bible beliefs are not parallel with the law (Exodus 20:3-17 KJV) and the testimony (Revelations 19:10 and 12:17) of God there is no need to even consider courtship with such a person. “Ye shall know them by their fruits….” Matthew 7:16 does this person produce that which mirrors Christ do they do other wise?
References to be added 
Please comment and share. 

Videos to check out: Courtship series 
Worth the wait 
Click below to see some of my other posts:
 NEWSTART and Black Other 
Twitter: @raescorner
Email: raetalkss@gmail.com


  1. Happy Sunday and Valentine's. Great message and greetings!

  2. Interesting article. I'm not sure that I agree with the concept of want and need that you have presented. Looking at things biologically, there is a reason why after puberty, the human sex drive is increased. There is a reason why the female body is designed to bear children at a younger age (eg twenties) rather than older. I think it's because we as humans are designed to marry and produce children at a younger age, not older.

    Now, there are superficial reasons for wanting a 'bae', I am not condoning those. I am advocating, however, that there is a biological NEED for a life partner, and there's nothing wrong with wanting that, while it is in balance with all other aspects of life, including one's relationship with God.

    1. Thanks so much for reading! This biological need you speak of could easily be categorised as a want. Yes our bodies are designed that if one wanted a child they could so. However this is not imperative. Not all are called to marry and procreate. The bible attests to this if we look at the likes John the Baptist, Paul and so forth. A bible believing will try their utter most to ensure their lives mirrors the plan God has for them. This is through prayer, fasting, mediating on his word and studying the latter. Stay blessed.

    2. I must agree with the lady above. The examples of Paul, John the Baptist were people singled out for a particular purpose. I believe God commanded us to be fruitful and multiple. We are all supposed to fulfill the commandments of God, one MUST seek the face of God first to see if it is his will for you not to get married. If you don't have a clear instruction from God not to marry then you are going against what he has commanded you to do. He instituted marriage and after a certain age we are more inclined to have a desire to get married, not all but some. 1 Cor 7 is a very clear admonition from Paul.

    3. Thank you for this well constructed comment! I could not agree more!!! We must seek God's face in all area and as you rightly mentioned that some are to marry and others not.

      Thanks again and have a blessed week :D