When entering a relationship with the intention of marriage we must remember:
YOU DO NOT JUST MARRY YOUR SPOUSE BUT HIS FAMILY!
I am no longer a watcher of that cringe fest called Nollywood however, one of the most common themes that can be found in Nollywood are cautionary tales on marriage. Films with these themes often address the woes of a wife who had married a man and has to deal with the wrath of his very wicked mother. Yepa! The wives in these films lived very bitter lives and their husband often became controlled by their mothers.
Although, the above reference is based on fiction. The fiction addressed is sadly a living nightmare for some. To avoid your life from looking like a Nollywood film (My Mother in Law is Crazy part 89) then let us look to the Bible.
Soon after Abraham’s servant had got to Abraham’s place of origin, he had meet Rebekah who he believed to be the one God had appointed to be the wife for Isaac.
“And he said O Lord God of my master Abraham, I pray thee, send me good speed this day, and shew kindness unto my master Abraham. Behold, I stand here by the well of water; and the daughters of the men of the city come out to draw water: And let it come to pass, that the damsel to whom I shall say, Let down thy pitcher, I pray thee, that I may drink; and she shall say, Drink, and I will give thy camels drink also: let the same be she that thou hast appointed for thy servant Isaac; and thereby shall I know that thou hast shewed kindness unto my master. And it came to pass, before he had done speaking, that, behold, Rebekah came out, who was born to Bethuel, son of Milcah, the wife of Nahor, Abraham's brother, with her pitcher upon her shoulder.” – Genesis 24:12-15
Soon after their exchange, Abraham’s servant had asked, “Whose daughter art thou?” By asking such a question the servant was able to confirm if she was from a family his master would approve of. Oh, how there is so much in a name! By looking at her character and her family name, the servant of Abraham received more confirmation as to whether she was the ‘one’ for Isaac.
These days it is very common for us to hide our potential spouse from family and friends. This should not be the case. Our family and close friends know who we are and know what we like. They should be introduced to this person, so they can see if they are compatible. Many are lust drunk and cannot see the red flags or red banners so need others to be their eyes and sense of reasoning.
“And the damsel ran, and told them of her mother's house these things”- Genesis 24:28
Rebekah ran and told her family. She RAN! She did drag her feet or allow her family to find out about the possibility of marriage through a third party but, went and told her family. Those of us who are at an age where marriage is no longer a tabooed subject, and are finding I ask why? Do you see the red flags and do not want someone else to point them out? Do you have extremely strict parents? Do you not see the need to involve family? I empathise that some may find it difficult to do so due to broken relationships. However, tell someone who has sound judgement and has your interest at heart. There is a lot than can be learned from those older in years. Like Rebekah, let us run to them.
“ The aged women likewise, that they be in behaviour as becometh holiness, not false accusers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things; That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.” – Titus 2:3-5
So, let us imagine you have found someone who is of the same faith as you and you have involved your family from the beginning, now you too must do your part in seeing if this person is worth your time.
The above quote is filled with many questions one should consider in a relationship. It also calls for the need to be observant. Can I marry this person? What are they like when they get angry? What is their relationship like with their family? What do we have in common? Do not be afraid to ask questions.
In conclusion, this post has explored some of the steps one should take when aspiring towards a blissful relationship. Marriage is a choice and all those who are considering to enter such a union, should be careful of the choices they make before joining themselves to another.
“If men and women are in the habit of praying twice a day before they contemplate marriage, they should pray four times a day when such a step is anticipated. Marriage is something that will influence and affect your life, both in this world and in the world to come. “ – AH 71.1
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References: Adventist Home by Ellen G White and The King James Bible
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